he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
