she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
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How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
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It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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