If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
