Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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