You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
