Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm getting married
To pizza
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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