Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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