i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
