gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
