Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
