Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
