apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
this must be what syphilis tastes like
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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