dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Nicole vs. Life
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
There's a naked man in my car right now.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
