Well apparently he's into motor boating.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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