Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
No I am not eating basil off your cock
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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