I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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