i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
