i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
