Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
i've created a new STD.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
