Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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