I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
