How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
