Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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