Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
