I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
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My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
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Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
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