he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
