News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
