When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
