I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
