I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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