Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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