Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
