Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
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