i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
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