Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Where are you guys?
Drunk
The air taste purple.
Randomize
