what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
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Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
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I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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