I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
