is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Operation Purity has been aborted
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
