So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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