she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
