You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
