another moral hangover. fuck.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
