My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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