How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
