im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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