I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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