woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
