I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Will exercising make me less horny?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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