i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
