Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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