i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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