So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
