She's JV to your varsity
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
