College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
