what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
