i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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