I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
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