Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
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You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
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Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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