i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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