How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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