Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
