I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize