In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize