I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
