you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
