dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
