I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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