There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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