I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
That accounts for only three of the penises
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
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