I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
