i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
my poor anus
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
