I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
