is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
