why didn't you poke me back
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
