the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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