Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
