You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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