everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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