My friends, they love my intelligence
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm like, not good at living.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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