He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
