I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
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He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
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How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Terrible idea I love it
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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