there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
