I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
