Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
