I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I queefed so loud it echoed.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
My ass is underappreciated
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
