Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
i believe in u and ur pee
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
