i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
